The Skinny Woodpecker

Standing on the riverbank of the Riverhead, and this is where all the shit went down. Trauma. Pain. Awfulness. Abuse. Warfare. Everything falls into the river and starts floating down stream. At one point, the river splits into several different tributaries. And one of the tributaries, it is a constant flow of go, go, go. Never stopping to assess what happened on the riverbank because it’s too painful. They can suffer from depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, addiction or other mental health conditions. A second tributary, has an nearly exact opposite expression  - frozen or catatonic. Unable to move. Frozen in time and unable to make decisions. They can suffer from depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, addiction or other mental health conditions. The third tributary, is somewhere in between the two - panic strikes in unpredictable times. Seemingly at one moment, everything is fine, then the heart starts beating faster, sweat starts appearing on the face, and breathing beco...

Statistically, speaking, I should be dead. Now, I am not a numbers person, and I am not particularly good at math. However, I am acutely aware of how lucky I am to have survived three major life events that should have taken me out. I have survived an HIV positive diagnosis, a near fatal auto accident, and a abnormally high ACE score. HIV positive was not a death sentence for me or for most people who contracted the virus after 1996. I contracted the disease in 2008. Only a little over a decade of time made an enormous difference in my HIV story. Several friends of mine were not so lucky. In the early years, AZT seemingly did more harm than Good. With the advent of highly active anti-retroviral treatment, HAART, the HIV game was remarkably changed. It is vital that we make sure that those that need the medication can get it. What was once a nearly guaranteed death sentence is now a manageable disease with a life expectancy the same for those that have a negative HIV status. It is i...

This blog is about my mental health journey and my intention is to share both my personal experiences and the treatments that have helped, hindered and harnessed the wild frontier of my psyche. I hope to share what I’ve learned so that others can learn from my experiences - the neuroscience behind each modality that I have experienced and how I responded to the treatments. My mental health journey has been a long and winding road that has lead me through valleys and over hills; I’ve climbed mountains and sloshed through the swamps into the marshes; wandering along sandy beaches and beside muddy river banks. I’ve maneuvered my way into dark forests and along the way there has been this constant sound. The sound is a rapid thud or constant pecking - similar to a woodpecker. I have tried nearly all known modalities, or forms of treatment for mental health “issues” - I have over 57 years of lived experience, 4 years of experience in mental health and addiction as a secretary in a mental he...