Statistically Speaking

Statistically, speaking, I should be dead.

Now, I am not a numbers person, and I am not particularly good at math. However, I am acutely aware of how lucky I am to have survived three major life events that should have taken me out. I have survived an HIV positive diagnosis, a near fatal auto accident, and a abnormally high ACE score.

HIV positive was not a death sentence for me or for most people who contracted the virus after 1996. I contracted the disease in 2008. Only a little over a decade of time made an enormous difference in my HIV story. Several friends of mine were not so lucky. In the early years, AZT seemingly did more harm than Good. With the advent of highly active anti-retroviral treatment, HAART, the HIV game was remarkably changed. It is vital that we make sure that those that need the medication can get it. What was once a nearly guaranteed death sentence is now a manageable disease with a life expectancy the same for those that have a negative HIV status. It is imperative that we continue to work to eradicate HIV and we can.

Surviving a near-fatal, head-on, high-speed auto collision is the second major life event that should’ve taken me out. The last thing I remember before being knocked unconscious is the headlights of the quarter ton pickup truck heading straight for me and swerving into my lane. Upon impact, the truck that hit me, knocked my engine into my passenger seat and flipped on top of my little Honda Civic. When I woke up several minutes after the impact, the first thing I remember was telling myself that I needed to breathe. “Inhale” was the first thing that came to my mind. That first inhale was slow and the deepest breath I had ever taken. The second thing that I did was look at my mangled body. I saw my left ankle and it looked like the Kathy Bates character in the film Dolores Claiborne had gotten a hold of me. My ankle and foot were dangling from my leg and was twisted in a weird and abnormal position. I knew it was bad. My middle finger on my left hand was bent completely sideways, I was covered in glass from head to toe, and I had scratches and scrapes all over my body. The drunk driver who hit me and I were both doing around 60 mph according to the DPS report. Ironically, the drunk driver of the pick up truck walked away with only minor cuts and scrapes. There is only a 35% chance of surviving a head-on accident for speeds over 50 mph and head on collisions account for about 14% of all US traffic fatalities each year.

An abnormally high ACE score is the third thing that I have been dealt with. An ACE score is the adverse childhood experience scale that helps mental healthcare providers, determine and plan a care of action for their patients. My ACE is a six. Some, however, have scored an eight or nine. Godspeed to those people. Some studies have shown that an ACE score of six or more can decrease ones life expectancy by approximately 20 years compared to those participants with a score of zero.

These three major life events should have been my demise, but there is a small flicker of hope that is within me that is not ready to be extinguished. What is the small flicker? Where did it come from? Does everyone have the small flicker? If not, how can someone cultivate the small flicker? 

I believe each and everyone of us have the same small flicker inside and some people are taught the survival skills necessary to harness them. Not everyone has been shown the skills, and some are not showed the skills at the right time or the right place. This leads to so many people suffering. To all those who could not figure it out in time or were never shown the skill set - I say we keep on keeping on for them. For myself, I say, keep on keeping on, Ben. The best of you is yet to come.

Again, I am not a numbers person and math is so exceedingly difficult for me, however, statistically, speaking, I should be dead.